the dream

last night i had this dream. i usually remember my dreams every night. yes i believe i'm one of those people that dreams every night. but in my dream, reed came home from his mission early and he had one small stud in his right ear. i assumed the earring was why he came home early. he kept taking me somewhere and telling me that i didn't have to go through with it. he took me to this sort of bar place. it was very odd. then we were in a group of people and he pulled me away. i woke up and momentarily forgot about the dream but when i remembered, my heart ached for him and everything i've put him through. i don't regret my decision but i'm sad that it had to lay out this way. i agree that i'm too young to be getting married but i know i'm old enough to make the decision to spend eternity with my best friend. i can still see the pained look on reed's face in my dream. i don't remember saying anything. only hugging and crying. now i need to forget the dream.

"...when she smiled."

last night saul, me, and my mama had the opportunity to go to cate's house to try some wedding food and desserts. cate with a c is a jack of all trades. she's a professional photographer, brilliant chef, graphic designer plus many other occupations. we were all quite impressed with her. but what i loved most was her willingness to listen and for things to flow smoothly. lol demi lovato is bipolar. but cate wanted this to definitely be about me and saul instead of my mom and the opinions of everyone else. she actually listened unlike many other wedding planners. very happy about her. but i'm definitely going to need some help from above with this process. gl me. finals are coming up. very nervous. i might be neglecting this blog for a while. understandable. i'm hanging out with my best friend every day. we'll probably go parachuting off the C.O.B. soon. nbd. i can't explain how passionate i feel about life with him. we went to the hot springs a little bit ago. we got fried but it turned into a tan. we're grateful for our not particular white skin complexions. more fun stuff coming up soon! i think i even convinced him to go to titanic in 3d with me. ftw!
-sara p.

the list

so i've got this list of things i need to do either this week or today. i'm one of those list people. thoroughly enjoy them. mostly because i like crossing things off the list. not the actual sense of accomplishment for the task i just tackled.
1. get block of wood (in case i need to knock on it)
2. call eyebrow place. my head is now the amazon forest.
3. call laser place. to get upper lip laser-ed..
4. put good pen in backpack. i hate taking notes with the crappy one.
5. text quinci about friday. either indoor surfing or celebrating her birthday..? surfing.
6. get annoying singing card and cookie dough for mary. happy belated birthday?
7. consider doing writing assignment hw. (due 4.8)
8. consider doing brasil slideshow. (due 4.24)
9. clean room
10. clean todd's (my beta) fishbowl
11. write in blog (check!)
12. clip nails. i scratched saul by accident and drew blood. (that's when you know)
13. gas up car. (i hate seeing the gas light on)
14. wash bras. that point when your bra smells funky..
that's word for word what it says on my to do / reminder list. so tell my friendly readers, how do you get all your tasks done? too stupid of a question? i agree. until l8er!
-s.p.

the bird

so remember how i missed the last couple of weeks to write. yea. that was me. remember how i have nothing to write about today? oh wait! that's every time my fingers touch the keyboard. lets see what's new with me life. i bought my wedding dress off of ebay for only $150. i know! be impressed... that's if it actually works out. that would be so baller. most brides wouldn't even dream of spending so little on their dresses. i'm so cool. i'll let you guys know how that turns out. i really hope it goes well for my sake. i don't really have $900 for a wedding dress. a dress to wear one day. i was pretty adamant about buying my wedding dress cause i felt it was especially special. yea. i said it like that. but i wanted the dress to sit in my closet for ages gathering dust that possibly my daughters could use.. haha that's the dream. or i think. that's why i also got a unique engagement ring. so maybe i could pass it on for future use. i merely want to be remembered in the future! that's all i want. but don't we all want to be remembered? eh eh! or not. but i want to do something meaningful or worthwhile. have you ever noticed that the people with money always get to help people? probably cause they have the money to do it. mostly i'm talking about the girls my age that go off to africa or some other who knows where place to built schools or help orphan children. am i on a soap box? i'm not even having fun writing this. i need to get the oil changed in the car. that doesn't sound like too much fun cause the mechanic always tries to push some other service at you. no thanks mr. mechanic guy. i would like to let my car die and slow and hardly painful death. lolz? i think a bird just fell down my chimney.
-s.p. 

boat

thank goodness for the break i have in between classes. i always thoroughly enjoy it when i can make tuna fish sammiches with saul. yes we did make tuna fish today. we discussed how we were always "that kid" that opened the tuna fish bag and it reeked terribly bad. then we were made fun of but we kept on eating that sammich cause it was worse not to. twas so tasty that you had to eat it even though you were being teased. ah. the good old days. sometimes i wish i was back in those days. nostalgia.. i watched the move dear john a little bit ago. i never actually realized how much that situation could apply to my life. i want to get into specifics but i know that people actually eavesdrop on my thoughts. no worries. i guess that's what i'm here for. for people to be entertained...? i'm like most people and have issues with goodbye. i hated saying goodbye to reed. it killed me. i had never felt so alone. i can't describe it. do i owe it to him to wait? or do i owe it to myself to continue on with my life cause i know i'm happy and it's not just happy, it's bliss. that's what's tugging on me in the back of my mind. (remember that you chose to read this) i know that saul is the person i want to spend forever with. oh gol. the tug. hey! you can't win them all. even though i am. i'm well aware that i'm the worst person and probably going to hell. see ya there, right? lets write about something happier. trampolines. i have one. that's my secret place where i feel alone and safe. where's your safe place? i'm feeling oddly interactive with whomever is reading this right now. i want to giggle from this comment but a mere smirk is coming out. i appreciate the smirk. it says so much. seriously. smirk in the mirror right now and then be surprised but everything you could be saying by that one smirk. that's all i got.

bigot

this will be short and sweet and to the point because i have math class in 40 mins. give or take. ha! lets get real, there is not point to any of these posts. it's like a bad seinfeld episode. or a really good one. i wish that you could all hear the tone of voice i talk in. but there are a couple of things that i wanted to get out of my head. music on blogs. at first i had a really strong opinion of it. that it ought not to be there. you shouldn't make someone listen to your music while they're reading your blog in their own head. the reader can make some pretty accurate judgements about you by the music you listen to. wars have been started over music... (tio dan, back me up here) but then i went onto this blog that had some song about jeans and i actually kinda liked it. so now i'm up in the air about it. but more on the negative side. lol my mom just called me and told me that the doctor could feel my 6 year old sisters ovaries. isn't it weird that a 6 year old has ovaries. i guess she is a girl. lol (again) emails! nope not dr. horrible. but but but tis march. which is one of my favourite months. seriously. there is no joking in my voice. i'm one of those people that call march, mustache march. those people. and saul bought me stylish mustaches that i can wear throughout the month to various events, school, weddings, church.. maybe not church. but you get the point. why are mustaches so fascinating? probably cause it's hair growing out of a face! but tis different than eyebrow hair. i can't help but smile at the thought of it. so i might post pictures if i get enough time.. i never have time. or do i. but once again, the beginning of the month brings something just as great. a new vogue magazine!! yes. one of those girls. it's like the bible to everything classy but it's only accurate for that month then they come out with new things each month. so creative! one day i'll be that creative. or not. but that's all that i want to write for now. maybe more stuff will come to me later. like in a dream, like lehi. even better! the book of sara. blasphemy? never. bigot(e) out.

new ends

so last night as i'm lying in the same bed i've had for.. 4 years now, i couldn't help but think back to this blog. this blog that i've abandoned to write all my thoughts and dreams and other deep stuff of the sara nature. so! here i am. back. i have this class that is online on thursdays around this time, and so i figured i ought to go home and write in here. i want to write regularly to now thursdays around 1, expect a new post. i'm quite excited about this. mostly for myself so i can get out of my own head. for those readers who are not aware, i'm engaged. very and extremely happy about this. his name is saul. he's short and brazilian. perfect for me. is it necessary to say that he's short and brazilian? not to the average person but if he and i were separated in a crowded room and i told you those adjectives about him, you would sure as heck find him. i can't go on and on about how i feel when i'm around him and how he makes me feel adventurous and alive or how he has this tiny freckle that looks like a heart... too far? absolutely. do i care? not at all. lol due to the fact that i probably have 1 reader and i pray with all my might that that 1 reader does not know me or my situation at all. when i say situation, i mean life. but for the other people who happen upon this mess, i'm sorry. you get to hear the sad ups and downs of a delightful teenagers life. spelling counts here but punctuation? not exactly. so yea! i'm back. thursdays are my writing days. i never know what to write here but i'll just start spilling out my guts. saul and i were going to elope. yes. it's true. enough of that. but i'm currently going to school. i want to finish up my darned associated degree. gol. no one needs it anyway. saul still opens up the door for me. i've known him for 4 years now. oh yea, i knew him when i was a sophomore in high school. he played soccer with allen and came over to our house quite frequently. i planned on writing something really extravagant on this time back. like thank you's or something but that did not happen. but it still can! thank you kinda feminist aunt for making me into a somewhat headstrong woman. and also my abuelita for the stubborn part. for will for caring enough to print out my blog so i can have a physical copy, for justin for breaking me down so i can build myself back up. (good breaking down), for reed.. for helping me realize the exact person i can and want to be. countless english professors for your garbling on and on about sweet bippies and apa formatting. allen for teaching me the person i don't want to be, andi for being independent, dad who... ya know. being dad. sir, for teaching me how to fly fish. :) mutter for loving unconditionally. for my mom who gets uptight about everything and yet we still happen to love her. and saul. the thing is, i can't say thank you cause english is a flawed language that does not have the words adequate enough to express how i feel. for alyssa for showing me the right way to do things. and thanks to me. for healing my blasted wrist so i don't have to type all of this with one hand. lets get real here. but i am not officially going to be a left handed person. someone told me that it would open up the creative side of me. i thought i was pretty creative before but i want to see what i'm like after. i'll probably explode. that's what is most likely to happen. and thanks v for vendetta. no words explain. ahhhhh. that's all i got. now i must slump to math class where our substitute teacher looks like a troll and talks like one too. i can seriously not understand a word she says. good thing i already taught myself the new material! wazoo! until next thursday. lol i'm going to like sayan that.

The Fuzz and Skeeters

oh! i failed to mention that i did in fact get pulled over last night...for the first time ever. :) my dad tells me i'm cute so i'm starting to believe it. i only got off with a meer warning. he said next time he'll have to give me a ticket. unfortunately for him, i'm still a pickett and i can talk my way out of almost anything. and when i rolled down my window, 5 mosquitoes flew into my car. i'm swatting them away as i talk to officer jodi (a man) but i currently have 5 bites on my legs from the traumatizing event. not getting pulled over but the mosquitoes in teh car. why did God put them on the earth? no one likes them! curses.

Flaming Gorge: An Adventure Awaits

hallo erryone! here i am again.i hardly know what to write. it feels like i have so much to say and not enough time to write. it's late and i want to go to bed but i need to get my thoughts down. i feel hurt, heartbroken, but optimistic for the future. okay! so as many of you know, i'm in flaming gorge for the entire summer. seriously. no joke. the first week i got here, my first thoughts were "what the crap am i doing here?" but now i'm used to the routine. even though there is hardly no routine. because i'm the nooobie here, i work mornings. i have to be at work at 6 a.m. and i finish by 2:30. i know. it sounds long... and it is. i'm not much of a morning person as it is but now that i have to be friendly to people at that time? holy! forget that. no no. i'm nice. but i think that the mornings are going to kill me slowly. like it doesn't bother me now but i hardly sleep at night and then i have to be up early. that's a crazy mess. many people tell me to nap. i really wish i could nap. and i did once! it was most glorious but i can't nap when it's light out. i know. sucks. so i get home from work and i usually go for a run. there's this really nice run that has an overlook at the end. it's very pretty. i go there and think. i feel like winnie the pooh and have a thinking spot. wow. that sounded terrible. never again am i referring to winnie the pooh when talking about my spot. ha but if i don't go for a run, i'll watch a movie, or attempt to get on facebook and catch up with life. what life? i keep asking myself that because i left many of my high school friends behin. i'm not sure what i'm talking about. i think i'm mostly only rambling so i don't have to go to bed. finally the weather is warming up here. i'm excited to jump into the lake. it'll be freezing but sometimes you need that shock in life. the shock hasn't hit me that this is my life here. i keep thinking about my life is murray and what i would be doing. it's the summer so probably be working and hanging out with some of my friends that are home. but my dad helped me realized that i can't really dwell on the past and how things could've been. this is the only time i will ever have this experience in my entire life. i won't be coming back to do this. once in a lifetime. so i pick myself up by the bootstraps and continue on. life is fun. there's so much to experience and we all need to get out there and have those experiences. maybe i'm going a little deep... oh wait. i know i am. i'm excited to be out here. i meet new people all the time. about a week ago, these two dudes from san francisco came in and they came in every night or day for a good week. they were definitely liberals and i would always talk to them and they seemed genuinely curious about my life. don't you enjoy people? it seems like hardly anyone cares about your life because they're too busy with theirs so when someone asks, you can help but blurt out everything. but i didn't. i tried not to seem too obnoxious.
         so, i guess i'll get to the more interesting part about my blog that everyone is always curious about. my situation with guys. this has become a recently touchy subject. you see, my boyfriend of a month and i have broken up. yea. so tragic. many of you may be asking, "what happened to that missionary boy?" well you see, he didn't want me putting my life on hold. so i dated. only a little. you all know my awkward ginger date. and i didn't really go on many after that. till i met this one fellow. he's definitely a fascinating person. we hit it off at the start. he made me a crepe and i instantly fell in love. but i think our downfall is that we fell in love too quickly and didn't become friends first. i know i could turn to him with any problem but i didn't feel like he would fix it. so i didn't tell him anymore. and then about a week later, i came here and our only means of communication were talking and texting. i hate talking on the phone. i don't know why. maybe because i'm always the listener and i want to get my point across. he didn't really allow me to do this. when we did have something to say (which was hardly ever) it was him talking. that got quite annoying cause i would try to interject but it wouldn't work. and then when i got frustrated with him, he always asked why i was frustrated and i never could realize why... until now when i step back and look. so that was this morning. still definitely a touchy subject. i'm alright though. and i know he is. so i'm still in love with my missionary. it's very true. holy! i think a mouse ran into our stove. freak. i really hope not! tonight i went to fireside with my cousin from vernal. a dude definitely asked for my number. i still got it going on... ;) until late my friends!

whtevr

te lo prometo. spanish phrase i learned today.