hallo erryone! here i am again.i hardly know what to write. it feels like i have so much to say and not enough time to write. it's late and i want to go to bed but i need to get my thoughts down. i feel hurt, heartbroken, but optimistic for the future. okay! so as many of you know, i'm in flaming gorge for the entire summer. seriously. no joke. the first week i got here, my first thoughts were "what the crap am i doing here?" but now i'm used to the routine. even though there is hardly no routine. because i'm the nooobie here, i work mornings. i have to be at work at 6 a.m. and i finish by 2:30. i know. it sounds long... and it is. i'm not much of a morning person as it is but now that i have to be friendly to people at that time? holy! forget that. no no. i'm nice. but i think that the mornings are going to kill me slowly. like it doesn't bother me now but i hardly sleep at night and then i have to be up early. that's a crazy mess. many people tell me to nap. i really wish i could nap. and i did once! it was most glorious but i can't nap when it's light out. i know. sucks. so i get home from work and i usually go for a run. there's this really nice run that has an overlook at the end. it's very pretty. i go there and think. i feel like winnie the pooh and have a thinking spot. wow. that sounded terrible. never again am i referring to winnie the pooh when talking about my spot. ha but if i don't go for a run, i'll watch a movie, or attempt to get on facebook and catch up with life. what life? i keep asking myself that because i left many of my high school friends behin. i'm not sure what i'm talking about. i think i'm mostly only rambling so i don't have to go to bed. finally the weather is warming up here. i'm excited to jump into the lake. it'll be freezing but sometimes you need that shock in life. the shock hasn't hit me that this is my life here. i keep thinking about my life is murray and what i would be doing. it's the summer so probably be working and hanging out with some of my friends that are home. but my dad helped me realized that i can't really dwell on the past and how things could've been. this is the only time i will ever have this experience in my entire life. i won't be coming back to do this. once in a lifetime. so i pick myself up by the bootstraps and continue on. life is fun. there's so much to experience and we all need to get out there and have those experiences. maybe i'm going a little deep... oh wait. i know i am. i'm excited to be out here. i meet new people all the time. about a week ago, these two dudes from san francisco came in and they came in every night or day for a good week. they were definitely liberals and i would always talk to them and they seemed genuinely curious about my life. don't you enjoy people? it seems like hardly anyone cares about your life because they're too busy with theirs so when someone asks, you can help but blurt out everything. but i didn't. i tried not to seem too obnoxious.
so, i guess i'll get to the more interesting part about my blog that everyone is always curious about. my situation with guys. this has become a recently touchy subject. you see, my boyfriend of a month and i have broken up. yea. so tragic. many of you may be asking, "what happened to that missionary boy?" well you see, he didn't want me putting my life on hold. so i dated. only a little. you all know my awkward ginger date. and i didn't really go on many after that. till i met this one fellow. he's definitely a fascinating person. we hit it off at the start. he made me a crepe and i instantly fell in love. but i think our downfall is that we fell in love too quickly and didn't become friends first. i know i could turn to him with any problem but i didn't feel like he would fix it. so i didn't tell him anymore. and then about a week later, i came here and our only means of communication were talking and texting. i hate talking on the phone. i don't know why. maybe because i'm always the listener and i want to get my point across. he didn't really allow me to do this. when we did have something to say (which was hardly ever) it was him talking. that got quite annoying cause i would try to interject but it wouldn't work. and then when i got frustrated with him, he always asked why i was frustrated and i never could realize why... until now when i step back and look. so that was this morning. still definitely a touchy subject. i'm alright though. and i know he is. so i'm still in love with my missionary. it's very true. holy! i think a mouse ran into our stove. freak. i really hope not! tonight i went to fireside with my cousin from vernal. a dude definitely asked for my number. i still got it going on... ;) until late my friends!